THURSDAY: BOUNDARIES
KEY PASSAGE
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Matthew 18:15-17
DEVOTIONAL
One day we were cleaning up our yard and came across a metal stake in the ground. At first glance we were not sure what it was, but on further investigation we realized that every corner of our yard had one of these metal stakes. The original owner had a surveyor map out the confines of the property and placed official boundary stakes to define the boundaries of the property.
Many people struggle with the concept of boundaries. We feel that boundaries stand opposed to God’s instructions because a boundary line is placed to keep people out of our lives. But boundaries are not put in place to keep people out, but to define personal space and to protect us from harm. In our relationships, boundaries are communicating our expectations and implementing consequences if those expectations are not met.
We see in our key scripture that Jesus gives clear instructions in how to deal with people who have wronged us or are behaving in ways that are unhelpful to our relationship. First, we must go to them discreetly and kindly, and point out their faults. If they do not listen and respond, then we must take one or two others with us to address it. If they still refuse to listen and respond we are told to treat them like a pagan or a tax collector, meaning put up boundaries to protect yourself from continued hurt with the hopes that the person will return and make things right with you.
We are required to forgive and let go of bitterness, but it does not mean that you have to let the person back in a place of trust in your life. Setting boundaries in your relationships is an act of stewardship over your own life, time, and energy, which honors God's design for your limitations.
CHALLENGE
Take a few minutes to gauge whether or not you have healthy boundaries in place in your life:
Is my relationship with my ___________ (spouse, friend, child, coworker) draining or life giving?
Can I communicate my limitations honestly without the fear of being punished or pushed away?
Am I suffering some of the consequences of someone else’s choices more than they are?
What are some of the limitations I can place on myself to keep this person from having full access to my limited emotional and physical resources?
What will the consequences be if the limits are ignored?
If you need help with establishing healthy boundaries, invite a trusted friend in or reach out to a Pastor.